Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
