Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
