she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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