why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
