this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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