Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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