There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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