My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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