Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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