I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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