Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
