You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
