went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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