Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
a search helicopter?!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
