and i looked up. we had an audience...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
