he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
