There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
