Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
