The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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