i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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