who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
