I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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