So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
