some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
