Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
