Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do vagina's smell?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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