I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
