I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
