i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
