I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
