so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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