I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
