There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
