My friends, they love my intelligence
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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