i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I supernannyed him into submission
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
