I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
