So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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