this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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