I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
