Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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