I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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