White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
