I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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