I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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