You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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