if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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