She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
