Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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