if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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