I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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