You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
