i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Come on in and take your pants off
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