I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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