tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize