I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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