even my farts smell like vagina
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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