i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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