You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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