guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
