I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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