I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
