So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
