yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
