when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
