bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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