I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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