I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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