like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
