No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
