Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
