i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
