3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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