dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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