i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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