New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
